Ten Clues About Dealing With People, from Dr. Phil

This morning I was thumbing through the original Book Of Clues, a tattered old composition book where I used to jot down important clues about life.  I came across this list that I borrowed from Dr. Phil (this was many years ago, before he jumped the shark and out-springered Jerry Springer).  If your life requires that you deal with people at all, these clues will be very helpful.  If you are a manager, sales person or professional business networker, understanding these clues will make you much more effective at your job.

1. The number one fear among all people is rejection.
2. The number one need among all people is acceptance.
3. To manage people effectively, you must do it in a way that protects or enhances their self-esteem.
4. Everybody approaches every situation with at least some concern about "What's in it for me?"
5. Everybody prefers to talk about things that are important to them personally.
6. People hear and incorporate only what they understand.
7. People like trust, and believe those who like them.
8. People often do things for other than the apparent reason.
9. Even people of quality can be, and often are, petty and small.
10. Everybody wears a social mask.  You must look beyond the mask to see the person.

From these clues, I have devised some rules of my own.  Here they are:

1. Always make it a point to meet people where they are ... and you need to be observant to figure out where that is.
   
2. Don't expect people to know that you are sad or angry or needy and expect them to fix you; realize that they are already too busy living within their own drama to notice anything at all about you.
3. In every encounter with another human being, be completely present with an open heart.  Make every encounter an act of love.  
4. Learn to validate others, and do it often.  
5. Don't just pretend to like people so you can manipulate them into doing what you want; learn to genuinely love even strangers.  People can feel the difference.  
6. When making small talk, always talk about the other person.  
7. Treat everyone -- clerks, servers, delivery drivers, maids, children -- as if they are the most important person in the world.  
8. Look people in the eyes; you'll be able to see beyond their mask into their heart.
9. Don't talk down to people, but tailor your message so that you use words and imagery that they can understand.  (See Rule #1)
   
10. Always remember that it is never all about you.  If you make it a point to always make it about the other person, you will find that your own needs will get met as if by magic.  

I'll leave you with this quote from the Dalai Lama:

"If we really want happiness, we must acknowledge that it comes about by taking care of other people...  The fundamental teaching of Buddha is that we should view others as being more important than ourselves."